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Some GW Bush Jokes - recounted by various contributors

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19th. Oct, 2004 | 06:12 pm
Mood: hopefulhopeful

One sunny day in 2005 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Ave, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the US Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."
The old man said, "Okay" and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."
The man thanked him and, again just walked away
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same US Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"
The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir."
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Jon Carroll quoted this yesterday:
"The last time we listened to a Bush, we wandered in the desert for 40 years."
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http://www.525reasons.com/archives/000897.html

from The Daily Show
http://homepage.mac.com/njenson/movies/dsbush.html
from Camp Chaos (State of the Union address)
http://www.campchaos.com/show.php?iID=646
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Q. If Bush, Ashcroft, Cheney, and Rumsfeld were in a rowboat in the middle of the ocean, and the boat sprang a leak, who would be saved?
A. America.
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One night, George W. Bush is awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. Bush asks: "George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises.
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moves through the dark bedroom. "Tom," W asks, "what is the best thing I could do to help the country?"
"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," Jefferson advises.
Bush isn't sleeping well the next night, and sees another figure moving in the shadows. It's Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Bush asks.
Abe answers: "Go see a play."

_____________________
So George is doing yet another photo op at an elementary school, and this one’s been going pretty well, so he offers to take questions. A little boy raises his hand.

“Okay, you,” says George, smiling. “What’s your name?”
“Billy.”
“Billy. And what’s your question?”
“I have three questions,” Billy says. “First, why did you go to war without UN approval? Second, why are you president when Gore got more votes? Third, where’s Osama bin Laden?”
George is taken aback. “Uh, those are really hard questions,” he says.
Just then the bell rings. “Whoops, time for recess!” George says. “Guess I’ll have to answer your questions when recess is over.”
After recess, when the kids have settled back down again, George says “Okay, who’s got a question?”
A little kid raises his hand, and George calls on him.
“What’s your name?” George asks.
“Steve.”
“Okay, Steve. What’s your question?”
“I have five questions,” Steve says. “First, why did you go to war without UN approval? Second, why are you president when Gore got more votes? Third, where’s Osama bin Laden? Fourth, why did the bell for recess ring twenty minutes early? And fifth, what happened to Billy?”

- - - - - - - - - - -
I believe the orginal joke, which was from the Soviet days, was that there was a rally at which (Stalin) (Krushchev) (whomever) appeared and answered questions. Boris stands up and says, "I have two questions, when will we defeat capitalism, and when will there no longer be lines for meat?". The leader says, "I will find out, and answer your questions tomorrow". The next day, the leader is answering questions again. Ivan stands up and says, "I have three questions, when will we defeat capitalism, when will there no longer be lines for meat, and where is Boris?"

And there is always, if you were trapped in a room with a rattlesnake, a cobra and George Bush, and you had a gun with only two bullets, what would you do?
Shoot Bush twice.
(The first time I heard that, it was a lawyer joke.)

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